On Feeling Human Again: 16 Weeks Pregnant

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I never thought this day would come, honestly.

I kept reading mommy blogs and forums, and everyone said the second trimester would be so much better than the first. I’d start to feel alive again. I wouldn’t gag at the smell of raw meat. I’d finally get through the day without napping and look more pregnant than chubby.

But alas — finally — here I am!

Today I’m officially 16 weeks pregnant and I can finally say I feel human. My acid reflux has died down, I can sleep through the night, and yesterday I woke up at 6:30 a.m., didn’t nap, and stayed up until 10 p.m. — a record!

My mother always said she disliked being pregnant, but to be honest, I was never close to many pregnant women growing up. Sure ladies in our church were sporting baby bumps, but we didn’t sit down and chat about their changing bodies and symptoms.

At 22, I’m the first of my friend group to be pregnant (shocking, I know, haha), and I spent my first trimester locked away in our apartment, working from my bed and wondering how pregnancy could be “this hard.” Now you know why I’ve pretty much neglected this blog since November 4th — I had only enough energy to finish the work I got paid for, and “fun” work went to the wayside.

I had all-day sickness, and one week I got a cold and fever on top of the nausea. I couldn’t sleep at night yet I was perpetually exhausted. Casey was the real champion, picking up all my slack on housework: laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning — everything (I’m saddened to say I have no photographic evidence of his awesomeness). And besides the physical changes, my hormones were making more emotional than ever (not sure if that’s really died down yet, haha).

I include this picture as a reality check.

This baby took us by surprise, so during that second month after finding out, I was not only frustrated with my body, but I was trying to cope with the fact that this little one was really — real. I’ve always wanted a large family, but I remember telling Casey on one particularly awful day that if the symptoms continued, this would be our only child.

But now, a month and a half later, I can’t even believe those words left my mouth. I feel so much better now that during our four-day trip to Rome, I hardly noticed I was pregnant (well, besides my pregnancy jeggings and maternity tops and my concern about undercooked meat). We woke up at 7:30 and crashed at 10, walking an average of 10 miles a day — something I would have never been able to do back in November!

I know I’m hardly out of the woods. I’ve already had a few breakdowns over my expanding midsection and I read that exhaustion, aches and pains will return with a vengeance come trimester #3 (not to mention actually HAVING the baby), but I’m encouraged by this little respite where I feel I can actually enjoy being pregnant.

I’m back to planning meals and cooking them, I have taken on more freelancing work and I’m growing my work-from-home business, and I might actually get out of my pajamas this week and put on real clothes and curl my hair. I’d like to pretend like I’ll start helping Casey with the laundry again, but let’s be realistic 😉

Eating healthy food again.

So far pregnancy has been a wild, but wonderful ride. When you’re a type-A, do-it-all person, it can be hard to remind yourself it’s ok to watch Netflix for 4 hours straight or go to bed at 7 and wake up at 8. When you told yourself you’d eat nothing but avocados and kale, it’s tough to accept that you can only keep down cream crackers and ginger ale. When all you’ve ever wanted is to be a Proverbs 31 wife, it’s not easy letting your husband rock at housewifery. And when you’re a planner, it’s a challenge to rearrange your “five year plan” for the new little one on the way.

But all those challenges are just reminding me that I’m only human and I can’t do it in my own strength. I need my husband, my partner, my better half. And more than that, we both need the Lord. After seeing a friend announce her “words” for 2017 on Facebook, I picked my own — “patience” and “wait.” They seem quite appropriate during this season of waiting and preparing.

I’m a terribly impatient person (ask my husband…), so waiting for a baby for 9 months is almost torture. And I love to plan, so not knowing what will happen — Will it be a boy or girl? Will the baby be healthy? Born on time? Will there be complications? Where will we live? What job will Casey get? When do I need to fly home? etc. etc. — is trying. But it’s making me a better person.

Lately I’ve been going through my Bible index reading all the Scriptures on “waiting” — there’s a lot of them! And it’s been a wonderful reminder that I don’t need to know every detail, and I would probably be too overwhelmed if I did.

So today I’m going to just savor this season, enjoy this little avocado-sized human who is taking over my body, and wait.

Isaiah 40:11, 29-31

He will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.

He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

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So true! I finally feel so much better -- human again! 16 weeks pregnant is the best.

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